Tuesday, December 20, 2011

That's Intense....

"Sometimes we forget that's Gods grace and forgiveness is as INTENSE [if not more] than how intense we THINK our sins are" 

WAPAW!  That was the sound of that statement slapping me upside the head.  Who has 2 thumbs and was taking the truth of that statement for granted?  This girl!  On Sunday, my lifegroup had a discussion about worldly peace vs. peace that God brings and one of my friends said this.
The world easily helps us forget that our standing with God and his forgiveness is not based on anything we have done, are doing, or will do.  It's based of what HE has done.  How easily we hear that  statement and say "Ya I know"  but really do you???   Just take a minute and think about that statement.

That way of thinking is soo beyond the realm of human understanding, the closest replica we have of that relationship is the love a parent has for their child(which has the meaning for me now that I am a parent). 
This also made me think about a friend of mine from high School that I was recently talking to.  This friend has had hard year and I have told him many times that I would be praying for him and asked him what he believes.  He said that He feels like he has asked God for forgiveness from his sins but he cannot(my friend) understand how God would forgive him when he cannot forgive himself.  I told him that is was all part of God's beautiful mystery.  That;s our human way of trying to understand, but its way more intense than we can imagine................

Friday, December 2, 2011


This is picture is just a few minutes after I delivered Micah Christopher Brown, Semptember 12, 2011 at 12:55 pm, 7 pounds 11 ounces and 19 inches long.  I will also be brave and post our first family picture, even though I am a mess

This was the day my life changed forever.  As I walked into the hospital the Sunday evening before to be induced, I had no idea what was coming.  Call me crazy, but I believe for me the hardest part of pregnancy was morning sickness, even weighing out labor and delivery.  Labor was 16 hours, but that was overnight so it wasnt that horrible, but at about 4 am my water broke(I didnt notice right away because I was in so much pain and I didnt know what it was because there was meconium in it.)  and contractions started eating my lunch.  Actually they ate my breakfast, lunch and dinner, and all the snacks in between.  I told Nick to call my mom because I just needed my mom, ya know?  
I am thankful not only did I have Husband with me(who I dont know what I do without)  but I also had my mom with me.  She was one proud Nana when her grandson was born!
And there was a very proud Daddy too!!!
It took me a few minutes after he was born to fully grasp what had just happened.  When my doctor(who is fabulous by the way) put him on my chest all that was going through my head was "I can breathe now!"  When they were cleaning him off it hit me what crazy miracle just happened! 

Nothing can prepare you for motherhood, not other peoples advice, not books, etc....  I cant put into words how much I love that little guy.  I also worry a lot more, as if I didnt worry enough before.  I haven't gotten really good sleep since before he was born, actually even since before I was pregnant.  I have learned how much I truly can get done in 30 minutes, that it is a rare occasion when my husband and I can sit and enjoy dinner together,  and all the other things that change your life when you become a parent.  Some things can't be explained, you'll just have to wait and see if you're not a parent yet.  There are things that have new meanings for me now too.  I never thought I could be so happy and proud when my two month old son could reach up and hit a toy that hangs above his playmat.  And his smile melts my heart every time, and he now does it in the morning, so its one of the first things I see every morning.  My almost 3 month old can hold his head up, sit in a bumbo chair, hold his paci in kind of(cant out it in his mouth yet) and he loves to "stand", he actually can straigthen his legs and stand with help, and he tries really hard to hold his own bottle. 
Somthing else that has new meaning for me now is the miracle of Christmas.  I dont want to sound corny but there are some song lyrics that explain it best.

"It's still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small,
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky
It's still a mystery to me, oh,
How His infant eyes have seen the dawn of time
How His ears have heard an angel's symphony,
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep ........

Jesus the Christ, born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save, to save the souls of man "

As I rock my baby to sleep I can't believe or understand why God chose to come to earth as a baby, he could have just appeared on earth as a full grown man.  But I praise Him that this was how He chose to come to dwell with us.   I cant imagine what was going through Mary's Head as she gave birth to her Savior.  What a humbling experience!  Wait, is humble the right word?  I would be thinking how unworthy I am to be chosen to birth my Savior.  The Savior of the world!!