Thursday, September 8, 2011

I fall facedown...

I am 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant right now.  My Sister had my niece at 38 weeks so I was hoping our labors would be similar in time, but no such luck, Micah is still "cooking".  My doctors plan is to induce labor on Monday, my due date.  So one way or another Micah will be here be next week!  I'm getting very uncomfortable physically but trying to mentally prepare myself to be a mom(I know my mommy friends are reading this thinking good luck with that!)

 This morning I caught up on some music written and sung by my friend, Hannah Affleck (  Hannah and I met while in Seminary and met as accountability partners as well as being forever friends.  When Hannah and I met, God had us at very similar points in our life.  Both of us were new at SWBTS pursuing Childhood Minisrtry.  Through the years, God has lead us to very different places in our lives but at the same time, Hannah and I have moved side by side through the struggles and "lightbulb" moments in each of our walks with Christ, it is truly amazing how God brought us together and lead each step we've taken, and how he gave us each other to spur one another along.
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching" Hebrews 10:23-25

Hannah recently wrote and recorded a song called "I fall facedown"-    <---This link is to a live recording when she sang this song at her church and she shared the things God used to lead her to write this song.  I listened this recording and heard her testimony about the song.  As she sang the song, although I've heard it before, this time after hearing her testimony about the song, it made me cry.  Now I know youre thinking its my crazy really pregnant hormones, but God again used Hannah to voice and encourage me through my walk with her own.  See, Hannah talks about how she feels so inadequate somtimes and about a very specific time in her life that God brought her through, I remember sitting in her apartment talking with her about it, about how we live in a fallen, imperfect world.  But actually she would not be where she is doing what shes doing had this not shaken her world.  Anyway, I started thinking about the decision Nick and I made almost a year ago to follow Gods will in our lives and start trying to have children, and how we were blown away that 2 1/2 months later we found out I was pregnant.  And how although I have studied child development all my life, I still feel inadequate as a mother and I know that I will make mistakes, and that nagging voice that keeps telling me that because of the vocations that Nick and I have chosen we wont be able to provide for our son in the way that my parents were always able to provide for me.  Knowing all this things, all I can do is fall facedown before my King knowing He has everything under control. 

Listen to Hannahs song and let the words speak to you.

Bound in chains of fear
Lies created by this world
Shadows cast of who you created me to be
Leading to this place of disallusion
Struggling to Believe
My Identity is in you
Secure and Complete

I Fall Facedown
In Brokenness O Lord
Knowing you are strong enough
To break the chains around my heart and set me free
I fall Facedown

Lord, there's things inside of me
I don't want anyone to see
I hide in shame, but you see everything
Come and meet my every need
Set me apart for Holy Things
Your Love covers me
I am Redeemed!

I Fall Face down
In Brokenness O Lord
Knowing you are strong enough
To break the chains around my heart and set me free

I Fall Facedown
In worship to you Lord
Knowing you
Are Big enough
To take this wounded heart and make it whole

I fall facedown
I fall Facedown 
I Fall Facedown